so up until exactly a year and 3 months ago, i exclusively dated women. i came out when i was 15 and i’ve had several same-sex relationships since then. one of those relationships lasted four years and resulted in an engagement, which i ended 4 months before the wedding (it’s a long story. it was the most painful thing i’ve ever had to do) anyway, i identify as queer, if it matters.
last february, i reconnected with a friend from high school. i actually dated him briefly when i was 14. incidentally, he was the first person to ever touch my hoo-ha! after we broke up, we remained friends. anyway. i fell in love with him. i didn’t mean to. i wasn’t planning on it. i kinda just wanted a fuck buddy. and it just happened. he’s hilarious and brilliant and a talented artist and he’s super hot.
love is love and all that fluffy shit and i believe that gender is fluid, but being in a relationship with a man is worlds different from being in one with a woman. in some expected and some not so expected ways. mostly because my ex fiancee was sorta butch and my boyfriend is sorta… not butch.
so here we go. the difference between men and women volume 1. sometimes this will be stereostypish as shit. it’ll be ok, everyone.
not that men don’t cry, because i know they do. but it always sort of amazes me that when my boyfriend and i fight, he doesn’t cry. it also amazes me that *i* rarely cry when we fight. when my ex and i would fight, we would bitch at each other a little bit and then end up all puffy faced and snotty and doing that weird hiccupy thing when we’d try to talk. it was always this huge fucking mess of girly emotion. but generally, when i fight with my boyfriend, i fight with a vengeance. we never yell, but i’ll sass the shit out of him. we don’t really get mean with each other, but i’ll actually fight back.
so this could be attributed to a lot of things. namely, the different power dynamic in my current relationship as opposed to my last one. not that i was a doormat with my ex-girlfriend, but i was terrified to stand up to her. it’s just the way it was and that was part of the reason why i had to leave. i felt powerless with her and that was a lot of my own doing. but with my boyfriend, i refuse to let myself be below him. and i’m pretty sure it’s a feminist thing. like i must maintain equal power with him or i’m letting down women everywhere and the secret man-hating dyke inside me. or something. that’s not to say i don’t let myself down sometimes. i spent an entire night kicking myself last week after my boyfriend told me to shut up (half-jokingly, but still) in front of a group of friends. i spent the whole drive home seething. i was all, “no man will talk to me that way!” rawr and shit. but maybe that’s just something that happens. we’re both human beings and people tell each other to stfu all the time.
so anyway, i’m sort of bad at writing and i’m not very good at wrapping things up in pretty conclusion bows. plus, i have to teach a class soon. but i think this is something i want to continue to talk about. mostly because i don’t have a therapist in god-forsaken providence.
this concludes volume 1 of my personal take on the differences between men and woman from the point of view of a lesbian who accidentally fell in love with a boy.